Title: Bernie & Bertie (Serial Killers Need Love Too)
Author: Mike Owens
Genre: Romantic Comedy
They looked alike, dressed alike, shared the same food preferences, finished one another’s sentences. What were the chances that in a world where opposites attract and likes repel, two people so similar in every way, including their successful careers as serial killers, would meet, fall in love and form one of the deadliest duos ever? Bernie and Bertie did just that, and this is their story.
Bernie followed her inside past the hanging frozen carcasses to the back of the refrigeration truck, half expecting a bloodied, frigid Dr. Carruthers to leap out and grab him by the throat.
“Here we are,” Bertie said. And there, between the carcasses of two pigs hanging from hooks, was the former Dr. Carruthers, wrapped in heavy plastic and hanging upright from a hook suspended from the ceiling.
“Bertie, she’s naked.” The nausea came roaring back.
“Of course, I couldn’t very well leave her in a dress. Anybody who came into the truck would have spotted that right off.”
“But you took off everything.” Obviously, Bertie was right about the dress. Leaving the therapist fully clothed would be silly at best, dangerous at worst. But the harsh fluorescent light left nothing to the imagination, and Bernie saw things he never ever wanted to see.
Bertie was all business. “Look around, Bernie, do you see any meat hanging in here wearing a bra and panties?”
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Serial killers sometimes get a bum rap (did I really say that?). Like everyone else they have needs besides the obvious homicidal ones. Sometimes they just need to cuddle…without strangulation, to caress…without breaking bones, to sit on the sofa after dinner and share the day’s experiences with someone who will understand. Bertie puts it almost perfectly when, after they roll another body into the deep ravine, she says, “You know, we’re like our own little Justice League. We do what needs to be done.”
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A native Tar Heel, Mike Owens obtained his undergraduate and medical degrees from the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, NC, and later, an MFA in creative writing from Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA, where he now resides. His topics in fiction vary widely, ranging from science themes to end-of-life issues to erotica…go figure! His new release, Bernie & Bertie (Serial Killers Need Love Too) is a romantic comedy featuring two—you guessed it—serial killers who meet, fall in love, and form one of the deadliest duos ever.
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